Gifts You Don't Like

1.  Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.
2. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
3. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
4. Well, well, well...
5. I really don't deserve this.
6. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
7. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
8. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
9. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.
10. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.