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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Cat Poop Cookies

Here, by popular request (believe it or not) is the recipe for the infamous disgusting cookies that look like cats poops (rolled in grape-nuts, which makes lovely fake kitty litter.) Last warning -- many of you may not want to read this!
The Joke (Definitive Version)There are two flavors-chocolate (dark brown), and gingerbread (light brown).
The author seldom measured carefully, so the amounts may need adjustment, especially on flavoring. The cookies are dense and not very sweet, this is necesssary so that they will keep their shape during baking. If you use white flour or sugar, they may be tastier but they won't look like poopies.
Chocolate ingredients:
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • 2/3 cup (1 and 1/3 stick) butter, margarine, or lard
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tsp vanilla or peppermint extract
  • 2 cups whole wheat flour
  • 1/3 cup cocoa powder
  • Grape-Nuts(tm) cereal
Gingerbread ingredients:
  • 1/4 cup honey
  • 1/4 cup molasses
  • 2/3 cup(1 and 1/3 stick) butter or margarine, or lard
  • 1 egg
  • 2 and 1/3 cups whole wheat flour
  • spices-ginger, cinnamon, cloves to taste (maybe 1/2 tsp each)
  • Grape-Nuts(tm) cereal
Mix-ins:
  • Coconut = tapeworms
  • Chocolate chips = poop chunks!
  • Butterscotch chips = diarrhea!
  • Peanut butter chips = diarrhea!
  • Cooked spagetti or ramen noodles = roundworms
  • Corn = self explanatory!
  • Peanuts = chunks
  • M&Ms = decoration?
Batman: The Killing JokeTo Make:
Microwave the honey till it bubbles (about 1 minute). Add the butter, (I've been told using lard makes for a more realistic texture and softer cookie) and the molasses, if any. Add the egg, mix well, then mix in all the other stuff. Add mix-ins of your choice to some or all of the batter. Chill 1 hour in the freezer or several hours in the fridge. Roll dough logs of random length and the diameter of cat poops. Roll logs in grape-nuts and bake at 350 degrees till done (about 20 minutes, but this varies so watch them.)
Serve in a disposable cat litter box on a bed of grapenuts, with a cat litter scoop. I hear you get lovely effects by decorating the box and scoop with melted chocolate or pudding. Brown sugar might work as a substitute for the new clumping litters...
Mixing brown sugar with the grapenuts "sweetens up the cookie a bit while still looking truly hideous."
This recipe worked especially well at the Hallowe'en party where the table was already decorated with plastic flies. TheJokeAchieves

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